We are drifting away, farther every day

Soon we'll have nothing to say
We'll be too far away..

It's so conventional. So to the point.  Convention - say what you mean and mean what you say.  Dr Seuss even got it:  "Don't mind the matter because those that matter don't mind."

But they do. 

I have so much to do, and everything is unraveling. Ball of string and a kitten.  That's my life right now.  Am I the kitten?  Do I unravel? Am I the unraveler or the unravelee?  Sane/insane - good/evil.  We are all a little bit of all of it.  If it is matter, we are matter.  We are string.  We tumble.  We are colours.  We are soft and used for bondage.  We create.  We keep warm.  We are useless in all aspects.

One thing out of context can create entire worlds.  Words.  Universes crumbling under the weight of a molecule.. collapsing into themselves, turned inside out and vulnerable like skin.  Nothing you can do, nothing you can change.  What is the point of it all?

I love with the tips of my fingers, my eyes and my stomach.  I criticize with my tongue and my wrists and ankles.  I balance out.  Do I? I try. Nothing you can do, nothing you can change.  "Just leave me alone, shut up."

"Just leave me alone, shut up."

"Would you do this to anybody else?"

Door slams echoing across the mountains of the city.

Cab rides.

"Just leave me alone, shut up."

I too hold questions in my palms when they cup under my belly.  Water hurling down my breasts, my chest, my ribs like spears with aims.  My palms holding questions like encyclopedias, palm facing out, the triplet, mind body spirit, mind body spirit, exhale.

Stretch.  This is all a stretch at fitting into convention.  What do we try to do when we connect with other human beings? Do we list things that are similar? What is the basis of relation to one another?  What is the foundation of our want to know each other?  Where does the fascination come from?  What drives it? How do we relate?  For what purpose?  Where and in what does it aid us?  Where and in what does it hurt us?

The next week is going to be depressing, of course.  It's like a six month cycle.  That's not far enough apart for me.  Or maybe birthdays bring this about - that's something to look into.

"Just leave me alone, shut up."

"I am showing you I love you, what are you doing?  What are you doing?"




I am leaving.  Are you happy now? 

Does this make you feel better?

Is this what you wanted?  Because if it's not, explain to me.  I am not the victim but I am not stupid either.  And I am not as patient as you would have me prove.  I am not this patient and it is barely even ragged anymore.  Presentable.  Logical.  Safe. 

There are very little things off about you.  There are bigger things off about me.  But I am not going to be the martyr here.

I want to be the evangelist.  Publisher of good tidings.  I want to be able to be what I represent but sometimes I am not.  I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

How is this working? Is this a working relationship?

Palms are just flooded with it.

When do you know to end something?

Ciao. Ak.